So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
