I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
