Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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