I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
