I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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