She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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