the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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