im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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