how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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