I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
