he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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