i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
