"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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