I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
