You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to calm my uterus...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
