i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
