I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
