he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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