im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
