just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
