this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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