theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
