I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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