Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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