Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
