what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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