So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
