A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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