Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
