If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i now understand why vodka
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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