Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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