do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
