You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
