My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
