ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
my poor anus
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
