I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the gays at disneyland are vicious
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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