so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
