The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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