you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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