I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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