In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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