I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
God, you're like boner-b-gone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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