wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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