The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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