i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
