Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she pinky promised me she was 18
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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