god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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