So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
