I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Non-Jews are for practice
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
