The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
